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How are you holding up to the heat?
Team Turner is making it to the office in spite of this disgusting swampy
weather. From the South and Midwest to New England and Washington, D.C., the
mercury keeps on rising.
Grab a cold drink (or two or three) and enjoy
a little snark before you doze off! |
| The Week That Was |
No deal…yet. President Obama
had hoped his seal of endorsement of
the debt plan proposed by the Senate’s “Gang of Six” would move
negotiations in the right direction. So what exactly will happen if a compromise
isn’t reached soon? Ezra breaks it down for us.
It’s not a pretty picture, unless you are a Tea Partier, of course.
House Republicans and a handful of Democrats voted to pass their Cut, Cap, and Balance
bill earlier in the week and Michele Bachmann was not happy about that
because it did not defund ‘Obamacare.’ We’ll get back  to her, later. The GOP-sponsored legislation is D.O.A. in the Senate.
No, really. Speaker Boehner, who has been under Eric Cantor‘s shadow for a
couple of weeks, (and is no longer a conservative?) is confident a deal is near.Is the Murdoch Empire on its last
legs? The News Corporation patriarch went before Parliament this week and
SURPRISINGLY did not take
responsibility for his underlings’ skullduggery. For those who watched the
proceedings, the shaving cream attack, by
a “comedian,” sealed the
deal. The Wall Street Journal, also owned by Mr. Murdoch, is now reporting that
the Justice Department is in the initial stages of preparing subpoenas. Now
if that’s not fair and balanced, we don’t know what is.
Michele Bachmann is having one
bad week. Despite some uplifting news in the polls, the Minnesota Tea
Partier is being dogged by a tale of migraines
unleashed by the Daily Caller. Hey, aren’t they supposed to the exception to the
lamestream media? Ms. Bachmann says she could still serve as Commander and
Chief, despite her medical condition. Some insiders are convinced the DC
story was placed by T-Paw’s
handlers, who, uh, needed to run interference on a story about their boss’s
meteoric rise. Finally,
Michele’s husband, Marcus, or rather his clinic, became the latest glitter-bomb victim.
Allen West — best known for
trying to hire an extremist as his chief
of staff, saying American men are being neutered and having a sticker fetish – is standing by his comments
made earlier in a bitter e-mail to House leaders
eviscerating fellow Floridian and DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. You
may not have been aware then, Mr. West, but you’ve just cut the best campaign ad
against yourself, for Alan Grayson.
European leaders agreed to a $145 billion package to
prop up failing banks in Greece and its closest neighbors. $70 billion will be
set aside to Greece over three years. Unemployment has reached a staggering 16%
in the country.
Norwegian authorities are
investigating twin bombings that
struck a government building that houses the Prime Minister’s office. One
explosion was said to have been caused by a massive car bomb. Several extremist
groups are being looked at as possible perpetrators. |
| Are You Not Entertained? |
We noted last week that a new blockbuster film celebrating the
Snowbilly Grifter faired poorly in reliably conservative Orange County, Ca.
Well, things still haven’t turned around for Sarah’s silver screen
debut. The Undefeated has earned a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
This is no Ayn Rand sequel.Hey, Star Wars fans! Have a look at some never-before-seen deleted
scenes from the classics. No word on whether these treasures will make  it into the upcoming 3D re-releases. They’re being released on
Blu-Ray. That’s so 2006.
Italy is thanking the fresh creativity of the
United States of America today. Click here to see what’s in
store for Snooki.
Beavis and Butt-head are returning after more
than a decade in exile.
Juan Williams, who was fired by NPR because BECAUSE HE DOES NOT LIKE
SITTING NEXT TO MUSLIMS on the plane, says his former employer is the official voice of white
people, among others. Yes, this is coming from the Juan Williams, of Fox
News. |
| Interweb Tomfoolery |
Los Angeles’ feared Carmageddon never materialized. Three Los Angeles
residents shared an early-morning brunch on
the ’405 to celebrate a job well done.A Texas teenager honestly believes
he’s killed a chupacabra.
What is a chupacabra you ask? We
don’t know either, but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.
Some
under-the-radar news: Former Presidential candidate John Kerry has evolved on same-sex
marriage. A few years too late, there. Here are some snarky signs to
celebrate the news. Now, as for you, Barry…
Do you enjoy our brief crime report every week? Let us know.
This week’s edition is about an angry New Hampshire man,
who drove his alleged lemon of a van into the dealership whose owner refused a
return. The incident caused $20,000 in damages.
We’re going to side with
the husband on this one: Steve Tibbs complains that his wife gives her five pet
monkeys more kisses and
attention than he receives.
So, you’re rich beyond your dreams and
can’t decide what to spend some of that wealth on? May we suggest marking your territory
as one Abu Dhabi sheikh has done. |
| Out on the Town |
We were questioning if we wanted to include a going-out guide in
today’s Report. It will be plenty hot outside this weekend and we’re certain
many of you will be content at home with the AC cranked up. Remember to bring
plenty of sun screen and water if you do venture outside.
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| Shameless Self-Promotion |
Turner Strategies (@TurnrStrategies) held
its first ever “Tweeting the #Crisis” training this past Thursday night.
President Suzanne Turner discussed the changing role of media and how and why
Twitter has become such a crucial tool for receiving breaking news. Project
Manager Abigail Collazo then walked participants through the Twitter 101: best
practices, key strategies for increasing followers and gaining influence, and
the Ins and Outs of using Twitter effectively and well. Participants included
senior advisors to the Global Emergency
Group, Refugees International,
and The XII Project. Sadly,
no one from the White House or Speaker Boehner’s office attended. How will they
know how to tweet the #DebtCrisis? |
| Scorecard |
We are just melting out here, folks! Democrats and Republicans may be
on the verge of a debt deal, but you know how these things go. Perhaps the
persisting heat-wave will drive the politicians to a compromise and out of town.
We’ll see.P.S.: While you’re dreaming of two Februaries ago and
Snow-maggedon, take a few seconds to follow and likeus!
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